Welcoming the Darkness - NicTovey.com
Relationship, Intimacy and Sexuality Coaching and Psychotherapy
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Welcoming the Darkness

Welcoming the Darkness

I LOVE working with archetypes and I do it a lot, both in my work and in my personal life. I feel that archetype work is our most powerful and lasting way to bring our unconscious material into the light and thus bring ourselves to a deeper state of wholeness.


The way I like to think of archetypes are as characters in a play and the human psyche is the stage. Each of these characters have their own set of of gifts and qualities that they bring to the play, their own unique essence. When we work with an archetype work we become the actor trying on the different roles, finding how each character fits for us, what gifts they offer and how they can express themselves through us as a unique individual. Once we have worked with the archetypes for a while and their essence becomes embodied we then become the director of the play. We get to choose which archetype gets centre stage depending on the needs of the moment and the gift they bring to the play of our life. Until there becomes a point in the work where the archetype just lands in the cells, in the marrow. It’s no longer a character we play, it is now home, it is a part of us.


After a 20 year journey playing with one particular archetype (or set of archetypes) this point finally came to me this year.


This archetype is the Dark Masculine. He has many expressions – The Warrior, the Wild Man, the Green Man, Pan, all of which have their own gifts and of course their own shadows.


Currently in our world the Dark Masculine is probably the most condemned and suppressed aspect of our humanity, and for good reason. In our world we have seen far too much expression of the Dark Masculine in its distorted and unhealthy form – oppression, destruction, violence, war, rape and abuse of power. We have believed that this is what he represents, and so we have condemned him.


We have demonised this innate dark power that resides at the core of our humanity, relegating it to the shadows, forcing our gaze upwards, fixed towards the light, denying the existence of our full spectrum selves.


Our ascension based spiritual traditions have favoured the heavenward path and forgotten our basic primordial origins. 


The pursuit of scientific knowledge has valued intellect over intuition, separating us from our own body’s wisdom and our animal nature.


Our desire to be nice, inclusive, conscious and PC has left us too afraid to step on toes, stand up for truth and roar a resounding NO to all the bullshit, both our own and that we see in the world around us.


But what the world really needs right now is the Dark Masculine in his pure, empowered, integrated and healthy expression.


Let me just make it clear that while I use gendered pro-nouns this isn’t about gender. Everyone has access to the Dark Masculine and his gifts regardless of what body you happen to inhabit.


My personal journey with the Dark Masculine began when I was 23 after i was beaten up by 5 bouncers in a club in England. I was hospitalised, had major surgery, lost a spleen, and was released to experience a lengthy physical recovery. What else became apparent was that I was also severely psychologically injured. I was eventually diagnosed with PTSD and major depression and this became the pinnacle event which changed the trajectory of my life and lead me to do the work I do now.


One of my main PTSD Symptoms was a crippling fear of violence or conflict. I would go into major panic mode at the sound of an argument across the road. I couldn’t watch violence on TV, and just the idea of entering a bar with bouncers at the door was enough to send me into a spin of terror.


So through my hyper unhealthy Dark Masculine trauma I then cut myself off from that part of myself – I suppressed my own Dark Masculine.


I went LIGHT! My spirituality was an up in the clouds, ascendant, upper chakra, love n light focussed path. I was a “yes guy” with shitty boundaries. I gave away my power over and over again. And eventually I became a shiny knight/wounded healer therapist ready to save the world from all the bad guys.


I recognised the need to come down to earth and reintegrate this aspect of myself about 12 years ago when I was studying Transpersonal Counselling and shamanism and was doing a lot of shadow work, so I have been working with it ever since. This work became much more intense after I did my first ISTA level 1 around 5 years ago, when I really got at the core of my being the need for the descent into matter to find God, into the body, into our sexuality, into the muck and the grime, to leave no part of myself hidden and unexamined.


Through this journey I’ve explored and “tried on” many different expressions of the Dark Masculine. I’ve delved deep into my primality and my animal nature, my predator and prey. I’ve explored the edges of power with dominance and submission. I’ve connected with the true expression of the Warrior who fights fiercely for Love. I’ve roared, I’ve beat my chest, I’ve wielded my sword and slayed dragons. Bit by bit , through all the “trying on” he became more natural, more authentic, more integrated, more me.


And then he actually arrived…


Recently in a couple of different experiences I invited the Dark Masculine in and he landed deep in my cells in a whole new way. It has been both delicious and terrifying. There is no going back from this and the implications of his presence in my life will become more apparent as time goes on. Here is a little transmission from him so you can get a feel of what he is all about:


I feed on molten love from the core of Mother Earth, rising up to course through my veins like dragon fire.

I’m quiet and stealthy but you can feel my presence, if I let you

I have nothing to prove, no need to posture, parade or make a show.

My love will burn through your shields, masks and pretences to expose your true essence

I will happily be your antagonist if it helps wake you up, but not for sport

I serve only one master and that is Love

I have no time for bull shit, my own or yours

I will only accept the highest quality of relating


Maybe its time to welcome the darkness into your life?


If this is something you feel you would like to work with then please get in touch and we can discuss it.

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