Blog - NicTovey.com
Relationship, Intimacy and Sexuality Coaching and Psychotherapy
couples counselling, relationship coaching, relationship therapy, sexuality, tantra, mens coaching, intimacy,
50714
blog,qode-core-1.0.1,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,brick-ver-1.3, vertical_menu_with_scroll,smooth_scroll,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-5.4.7,vc_responsive
 

NicTovey.com

You Don’t Owe Him/Her

Recently I heard a man sharing, with some distress, how his girlfriend was complaining to him that she “needed him to be more in his masculine”.   This is a story I hear a lot in the neo-tantric/consciousness world I roam, and I have also experienced it for myself.   There is a very misguided idea that gets thrown around that to be a “conscious man” or a “conscious woman” you are to be a certain way all the time. That we are to be consistent expressions of the Divine Masculine or Divine Feminine and anything less is a failure.   Well I’m calling bull shit...

Read More

Stop Outsourcing Security

Well here we are at the beginning of a New Year and I’m not sure about you but I’m glad to have 2018 over with! It was HUGE year for me with so many gifts and opportunities to stretch, and one or two that I felt I could have done without, but from here I can look back with gratitude for the growth they offered.   2019 feels like an exciting and dramatically different year for me with some major changes already well underway.   One of the major themes that is arising for my 2019 is SECURITY and learning to source my sense...

Read More

Re-designing Monogamy

When it comes to relationships, most of us have inherited a very clearly prescribed version as the acceptable cultural norm. This ideal looks something like this: two people meet, feel some attraction, fall in love, form a bond, call themselves a couple, and from that point on they commit to devoting to each other all their time, energy, desire and attraction, and most importantly, their body. Anything outside of that we then call cheating.   As a tragic romantic and self-confessed love addict (in recovery), I have spent much of my life believing in and aspiring to this relational ideal. However over...

Read More

Courting the Woman Within

I know it’s no great news to you that, when it comes to the world of gender and sexuality, today we’re charting very new territory. For a few decades now there’s been a lot of talk about men embracing their feminine side; becoming more emotionally intelligent, communicative and vulnerable, and women developing their masculine side; being more driven, focussed and independent. These have been massive shifts in our cultural evolution, but merely developing a set of qualities that we have previously neglected, while its great progress, is not enough to bring humanity into a place of unity, wholeness and mutuality,...

Read More
Masterful Loving

My Relationship, My Practice

When life is stripped back to the bare fundamentals, the key to a life well lived is in our relationships. Relationships are the glue that hold life together. It was relationship that created us, we entered the world dependant on relationship, and as adults our relationships are the difference between merely surviving or thriving.   All relationships are important to us but today I want to talk about intimate relationships, those we most desire and those that cause us the most angst.   Unfortunately we’re not taught how to do relationships well. It’s a skill we have to develop on the job, working it...

Read More
millennial men

Welcome, the Millennial Man

After my last, fairly hard hitting article, I wanted to follow up with a much more optimistic observation of today’s young men.   Alongside the young men I spoke of, who randomly punch people, who drown themselves in alcohol, and who denigrate of women, there is a new breed emerging, a new kind of man that doesn’t seem to make the news headlines.   I get to meet many inspiring people through my work as a coach and counsellor, and I have the great privilege to be invited deep into the personal lives of a diverse range of men . Over the last few...

Read More
Grow Up

Guys, its time to grow up

I’m going to get into trouble for saying this but that’s ok: Australian men really need to grow up! Already this year we’ve seen some appalling behaviour from men in the media and I think it’s time we, as a nation, took a really good look at ourselves and asked why?   We’re all “growing up” all the time. Life is a constant process of evolution, always moving in a forward direction, learning more about ourselves, the world and our place in it, and ultimately improving on who we once were. But sometimes this process gets hindered.   As men there are clear developmental...

Read More
men's group

A sneak peek into a Men’s Group

I’m writing this article to invite both men and women to take a sneak peek behind the door into the hallowed ground of a Men’s group, and I do this for a few reasons;   to eliminate any mystique to create a space for inclusion and understanding for the women and to get your support to reassure curious men that we don’t sit in a circle singing kumbaya or beating our chests but most of all, I want to share why I believe men’s groups are of crucial importance for us all today, men, women and children, and for the world.   I was first awakened to...

Read More
Connection

Connection, my theme for 2016

Here we are guys, we survived the holidays and we’re two weeks into the New Year already! How is it feeling for you so far? Personally I’m finding 2016 a slow starter. Usually by this time I have some clear vision for the year ahead, I’m setting some goals and putting together an action plan. But this year it seems things are happening differently.   What I am clear about though is that my theme for 2016 is CONNECTION; to cultivate deep connection through practicing SIMPLICITY and PRESENCE and by setting CLEAR BOUNDARIES. This clarity came to me after a Christmas period...

Read More
vulnerable man

Is the World Ready for a Vulnerable Man?

Last week I had the great pleasure of participating in a debate on masculinity in celebration of International Men’s day. The question for the evening’s discussion was “If masculinity is in crisis who needs to change, men or society?”   There were many fascinating and diverse perspectives shared on the subject (watch here), but there was a common thread running through them all; men today still find vulnerability very difficult. This is evidenced by the numbers of men who choose suicide in the face of despair. But what is equally important but rarely gets mentioned is that, society also finds it difficult...

Read More