Blog - NicTovey.com

Relationship, Intimacy and Sexuality Coaching and Psychotherapy

couples counselling, relationship coaching, relationship therapy, sexuality, tantra, mens coaching, intimacy,

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NicTovey.com

Distance is Sexy!

One of the pitfalls of modern relationship is the perception that we need to do everything with each other and BE everything for each other. We are sold on an idea that to be really in love, to be truly committed to each other, means that we don’t need time apart, we don’t need our own friends, interests or creative pursuits. But nothing could be farther from the truth. This common misconception leads us to put a huge amount of pressure on our relationship and on our partner. We expect our beloved to be everything for us; to be our best...

The Third Entity

In my work and in my personal life, I see intimate relationships as a meeting of 2 entities which then goes on to create a 3rd entity - the relationship itself. The 3rd entity is an intelligent conscious being in its own right. It has its own desires, needs and wants, its own life force and its own evolutionary trajectory. It requires the right environment in which to grow and thrive and it is our responsibility to nurture it. The mistake we all make is believing its just the two of us and that we have all the control. We get stuck...

Welcoming the Darkness

I LOVE working with archetypes and I do it a lot, both in my work and in my personal life. I feel that archetype work is our most powerful and lasting way to bring our unconscious material into the light and thus bring ourselves to a deeper state of wholeness. The way I like to think of archetypes are as characters in a play and the human psyche is the stage. Each of these characters have their own set of of gifts and qualities that they bring to the play, their own unique essence. When we work with an archetype work...

You Don’t Owe Him/Her

Recently I heard a man sharing, with some distress, how his girlfriend was complaining to him that she “needed him to be more in his masculine”. This is a story I hear a lot in the neo-tantric/consciousness world I roam, and I have also experienced it for myself. There is a very misguided idea that gets thrown around that to be a “conscious man” or a “conscious woman” you are to be a certain way all the time. That we are to be consistent expressions of the Divine Masculine or Divine Feminine and anything less is a failure. Well I’m calling bull shit...

Stop Outsourcing Security

Well here we are at the beginning of a New Year and I’m not sure about you but I’m glad to have 2018 over with! It was HUGE year for me with so many gifts and opportunities to stretch, and one or two that I felt I could have done without, but from here I can look back with gratitude for the growth they offered. 2019 feels like an exciting and dramatically different year for me with some major changes already well underway. One of the major themes that is arising for my 2019 is SECURITY and learning to source my sense...

Re-designing Monogamy

When it comes to relationships, most of us have inherited a very clearly prescribed version as the acceptable cultural norm. This ideal looks something like this: two people meet, feel some attraction, fall in love, form a bond, call themselves a couple, and from that point on they commit to devoting to each other all their time, energy, desire and attraction, and most importantly, their body. Anything outside of that we then call cheating. As a tragic romantic and self-confessed love addict (in recovery), I have spent much of my life believing in and aspiring to this relational ideal. However over...

Courting the Woman Within

I know it’s no great news to you that, when it comes to the world of gender and sexuality, today we’re charting very new territory. For a few decades now there’s been a lot of talk about men embracing their feminine side; becoming more emotionally intelligent, communicative and vulnerable, and women developing their masculine side; being more driven, focussed and independent. These have been massive shifts in our cultural evolution, but merely developing a set of qualities that we have previously neglected, while its great progress, is not enough to bring humanity into a place of unity, wholeness and mutuality,...

My Relationship, My Practice

When life is stripped back to the bare fundamentals, the key to a life well lived is in our relationships. Relationships are the glue that hold life together. It was relationship that created us, we entered the world dependant on relationship, and as adults our relationships are the difference between merely surviving or thriving. All relationships are important to us but today I want to talk about intimate relationships, those we most desire and those that cause us the most angst. Unfortunately we’re not taught how to do relationships well. It’s a skill we have to develop on the job, working it...

Welcome, the Millennial Man

After my last, fairly hard hitting article, I wanted to follow up with a much more optimistic observation of today’s young men. Alongside the young men I spoke of, who randomly punch people, who drown themselves in alcohol, and who denigrate of women, there is a new breed emerging, a new kind of man that doesn’t seem to make the news headlines. I get to meet many inspiring people through my work as a coach and counsellor, and I have the great privilege to be invited deep into the personal lives of a diverse range of men . Over the last few...

Guys, its time to grow up

I’m going to get into trouble for saying this but that’s ok: Australian men really need to grow up! Already this year we’ve seen some appalling behaviour from men in the media and I think it’s time we, as a nation, took a really good look at ourselves and asked why? We’re all “growing up” all the time. Life is a constant process of evolution, always moving in a forward direction, learning more about ourselves, the world and our place in it, and ultimately improving on who we once were. But sometimes this process gets hindered. As men there are clear developmental...